I gently slide an index finger into her pussy; it’s a tight fit. Shit, if my finger is struggling to get in there, my cock certainly won’t. Oh no, not another Baltic Babe situation?! I don’t want to hurt her. I’m going to have to really take my time turning her on so badly that she wants my cock and any pain won’t matter.
Still sucking her clit, I slowly move my finger around inside her tight pussy. Teacher Gal’s very wet, but her pussy is so neglected that it might be haunted.
Doesn’t she have a vibrator like any other woman? I have to know. We might be needing it.
“Do you have a vibrator?” I ask as casually as I know how.
“No, I don’t like those things. Please don’t stop,” she replies.
With her clit protruding into my mouth, I turn my finger around and find her g-spot, which is big and round. This might be what’s taking up all the space in there! I start sliding my finger around this bulbous, uncharacteristically smooth g-spot (all others have felt like the rough spot behind your teeth in your upper palette) which makes her body tense up.
“What the hell is that you’re doing?” she asks, raising her head.
“That? Oh, that’s your g-spot. Do you like how that feels?” I say haughtily.
“Dunno, it feels strange. Nobody’s ever done that before,” she says.
“Well, if you relax, you’ll enjoy it. I won’t hurt you” I reply.
Teacher Gal drops her head back onto her pillow and I resume sucking on her clit and fingering her g-spot while she makes strange sounds. You think you’ve got problems, lady? I don’t think that my cock is going to fit into your tiny little pussy!
I’m mindlessly doing my thing, pondering anatomy and physics when I realize that she’s about to to cum. Her hips are twitching, she’s noisier and her breathing is fast.
I look up to see her head shoot up and shudder as she climaxes, letting out a strangled scream, an anguished look on her face. Her clit pops out of my mouth and I notice that my hand is covered in her glucose-rich pussy juices that have seeped out.
Teacher Gal is panting like a dog with heat-stroke and I lie next to her, half covering her, almost cuddling her. I say almost because of my soaked hand; I didn’t know what to do with it. I rested it on her impressively flat stomach; I don’t think she noticed or if she did, she didn’t care. Hell, it’s her juices.
After a few minutes she swallows hard and speaks.
“I’ve never felt anything like that before,” she says, catching her breath again.
I say nothing and just smile to myself. I’m still focussed on how tight her pussy is. More foreplay will be required before she can accommodate me, I decide.
We lie entwined, engaging in pillow talk. I love the afterglow. I don’t have to cum to enjoy the cuddling and feeling after making my lover cum. Most people either enjoy the foreplay, or the sex or the afterglow. I enjoy it all.
After about half an hour or letting her rest and recharge, I do it again. This time I start off by kissing her all over, starting with her face, nuzzling her neck which makes her squeal like a little girl, then spend a little time kissing, licking and sucking her breasts. Teacher Gal loves to have her breasts sucked. I work my way down to her pussy and repeat what I had done previously, as if I had never done it before and she reacted as if she had never felt it all before. I don’t think she’ll tire of my sucking her clit while rubbing her giant g-spot.
It was de ja cum all over again. I had seen this orgasm somewhere before.
After more afterglow cuddling, she says to me, “What would you like me to do to you?”
Her reciprocal nature and willingness to please warms my heart…and my cock a little bit.
“I would absolutely love it if you were to kiss me all over,” I respond, curious to see what she does.
Teacher Gal starts kissing my forehead, then my face and working her way down. She takes her time, is unhurried, which pleases me because someone going through the motions is a passion-killer. Eventually she arrives at the main event: my cock.
She kisses around it, takes it in her hand and looks at it for a second. Then she pulls the foreskin back, holds it erect, lower her mouth down on it, covers the head with her mouth…and sucks on it like a goldfish blowing bubbles.
That’s it. That’s all she did.
No going down on it as deep as possible, no twisting and turning her head and/or moving her head up and down on it while doing so. No head movement whatsoever. No, none of that. Just latches onto a spot and makes like she is smoking a giant cigar.
Maybe if I was patient the rest of her technique would kick in. After several minutes of the worst blowie I’ve ever experienced, I had less of a clue about what to say than she knew how to give head.
How do you say to a woman, “Er, is that it? That’s your idea of a blowjob?” or “Please stop, my cock’s getting bored,” or “Looks like somebody needs loads more practise”.
I could get all sarcastic with “Gee, where did you learn to do that?” or “I don’t know how much more of this I can take”, but it would be wasted humour.
Then the thought crossed my mind: If I gave her an orgasm, would she spit it back at me?
I realize that I am in danger of going soft, such was the effect of her efforts. Now or never, I have to see if her little pussy can handle my cock. This is relationship-breaker stuff.
Without a word I pull away, stand up and find my jeans where my wallet is. I find the condom that I have learned to carry and turn my back towards her as having someone watch me fiddle with a condom is unhelpful. Surely by now humanity would have invented a better condom and wrapper?
I turn around and Teacher Gal is lying on her back, legs scissored open wide and wrists next to her head. She is a stunning sexual sight. I position myself on top of her and do a quick safety check: I feel her pussy with my fingers. She is still dripping wet, so no lack of lubrication there. I edge forward and position my cock at the entrance to her pussy and slowly push my cock forward…where it meets a ring of steel.
My cock is not going into that pussy, no matter what. We are badly mismatched in terms of size, worse than I suspected. We both try to make light-hearted fun of it, in an attempt to spare each other’s blushes and maybe even to help her relax. Several attempts only yields the top half of my cock going into her, then getting stuck there, unable to go any deeper. A couple of times she flinches and wriggles; I’m hurting her. I’m getting frustrated and she’s getting embarrassed.
Then I get the feeling that we’re not alone and that we’re being watched.
I look up and on the pillow next to us is her two cats, sitting shoulder to shoulder, looking down at us, staring intently, serious looks on their faces. They seem like judges at the finals of the gymnastics at the Olympic Games. All that is missing is little white score cards at their paws that say: Composition 0, Technique 0, Originality 0 and Overall 0.
I roll off Teacher Gal in utter frustration, the cats scatter as I rest my head on their pillow.
“I can’t believe the cats were watching us,” I say, not wanting to mention the obvious problem.
“I can’t believe you’re letting two cats throw you like that,” she retorts.
“Do you normally let them on the bed?” I ask, thinking about the health issues involved.
“Yes. That’s where they sleep next to me every night,” she replies.
Great. Now my hair is full of cat hair and who knows what else.
As first times go, this was memorable stuff, but sadly for all the wrong reasons though.
I’m now no longer in the mood and she’s a little deflated too. We lie together, my arm around her, cradling her to me and we talk for ages. As usual, conversation is driven by me; she’s not really one to initiate anything. Obvious sexual incompatibility aside, I do wonder if she’s too timid for me. It feels like I’m all the energy in the relationship.
We fall asleep and I’m woken a few times during the night by a cat trying to press its bum against my face. In the morning I wake first and a cat is sleeping on my pillow. Teacher Gal is still asleep next to me, her bare shoulder exposed to me, so I lean over to kiss it, which wakes her and startles the cat which runs away.
Teacher Gal and I engage in mild pillow talk about cats, but all I have on my mind is our unfruitful sexual efforts of the previous night. I have a raging erection and a desire to complete unfinished business. I take her hand and put it on my cock, to which she smiles and strokes it for a minute or so.
She pushes the duvet off us and positions herself between my legs, crouching on her knees in an upright foetal position before taking my cock in her mouth. She doesn’t pull my foreskin back, just latches onto it and starts her goldfish smoking a cigar routine.
This sight and sensation puzzles me. Not only can I not feel much, but it looks odd, unnatural even. I realize that she probably doesn’t enjoy doing this and is probably just humouring me, which, if it is the case, I find sweet. However, the fact remains, this is the worst blowjob ever.
It might have served as a bit of foreplay to get her wet, but when I reach between her legs, causing her to topple over, I feel just how small her pussy is with a finger. Nope, my cock is not going in that hole any time soon. Teacher Gal is lying on her side and my hips are facing her. She’s still in that foetus position which is a sign of something, but I don’t know what. She’s still puffing away on my cock. That’s never going to do anything for me.
I remember that I have to get my arse into London to meet Delicate Flower and I have no idea what time it is. This encounter has to end soon, so I decide that cum I must, but pussy fucking and a blowie weren’t going to get it done. All that was left was a handjob. A handy is the lowest form of orgasm in my book, but if that’s the best on offer…
“Why don’t you take my cock in your hand and tug it?” I ask, hoping that she won’t be offended.
Teacher Gal sits upright and I roll flat onto my back. She takes hold of my cock at the shaft and starts moving her hand up and down, not realizing that I was never going to cum like this either. I let her do this for a while, hoping that she will vary her technique, hoping that she’s the queen of handies, but no, this was it. If I started giving her instructions then this could get embarrassing for both of us. I decide to cut my losses.
“Sweetie, it’s just not going to happen for me today,” I say as sheepishly as I can muster.
She lets go and lies down next to me, giving me a fake smile. We make some small talk and I try to make her laugh, with mixed results. Teacher Gal goes off to shower while I lie in bed pondering the situation and trying to figure out the best way forward.
This was all so very disappointing to me. Sexual compatibility is a must-have in a relationship for me; sorry no exceptions. I’m not willing to sign up to years of sub-standard, mediocre sex. I know that I can take the time to teach her, but how long would that take and the results are uncertain.
Houston, we are a problem.
Garfunkel & Oates – Handjob, Bland Job, I Don’t Understand Job (You might need to click on the YouTube logo on the bottom right of the video.)