I’m getting too old for climbing into bed at 5am, thus I slept until lunchtime. I spent the afternoon digesting what had happened between me and Baltic Babe. Was she reaching out to me? If so, did I want to do anything about it? Could we find a way forward? It was worth exploring. I called Baltic Babe on the Sunday night, but she didn’t answer. I felt strangely relieved that we didn’t talk because I hadn’t come to a firm emotional footing about her and I. Perhaps neither had she, that’s why she didn’t answer her phone.
On the Monday morning I got a cryptic text message from her that read:
“Sorry I missed your call last night. I was out with friends. You nearly got a call at midnight to come to my place.”
Was she trying to tell me that she wanted me…or just my body? If it was the latter, then I was surprised because that didn’t seem to be her style. I’d never been on the receiving end of a ‘booty call’ before, so that felt novel if that was the case. Would I have gone? Probably. What was it about her that made her so irresistible?
I was having lunch with colleagues in the canteen when my phone came to life indicating that Baltic Babe was calling. I quickly found a quiet stairwell to take her call. My colleagues had never seen me move so fast before.
After the initial pleasantries, she said, “When I went home last night, as I approached my house, I saw lights and movement upstairs. I was so frightened. I wasn’t sure whether I had too much to drink or had looked at the wrong window. I went in, switched off the alarm, checked the house and even looked in the attic. I was so scared, that’s why I nearly phoned you.”
She wanted me for my body, but not in the way I imagined.
“So where would I have slept?” I asked, being impish.
“Oh, I would have made up the bed in the spare room,” she said. I could hear her smiling.
There was another reason for her call.
“I have a favour to ask you,” she said trying to sound as sweet as possible.
I knew this feeling too well. When I was six years old and in first grade, the pretty little blonde girl who sat next to me, Nikki, would hold my hand and then ask me to help her with maths. She was the first girl ever to hold my hand; at that age it was very big deal. I know now that that’s where I get my type from: pretty blondes. It’s all because of Nikki. She was the first female to use me.
“Yes, what is it?” I asked, trying not to sound too displeased.
“I’ve been working on my resume because it hasn’t got me any interviews. Can you please review it? You have such an analytical eye and your English is better than mine,” she flattered.
“Oh, okay. Email it to me and I’ll get back to you. When do you need it by?”
“As soon as possible please. Thank you.”
I was expecting her to send it to my HotMail address, but she had the cheek to use my work email. I had a look at it and instantly saw many things wrong with it. Instead of doing my own work I spent hours reworking her resume which never stood a chance of being her salesman in print. I sent it back to her with a message saying that I would call her in the evening to discuss it.
Later that night when I phoned Baltic Babe, I wasn’t too sure where the conversation would lead because I had no agenda. I still hadn’t made up my mind about where I wanted to take our interactions. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to see her again until my head and heart were in agreement.
The conversation immediately began about her resume. She accepted that the version I had spent hours crafting for her, when I should have been working, was much better and more likely to open doors for her. However, she had very fixed ideas about how interviews come about and how she should conduct herself. Her closed-mindedness was astounding. In my working life as a freelance contractor I’ve learned so much about interviews that I’ve written and published a book about interview technique that can be bought around the world.
Baltic Babe knew better though. She even refused to have a LinkedIn profile, such was her mindset. She hadn’t been called for an interview after over a year of looking for a new job. She was too bloody obstinate to see and then accept that what she was doing wasn’t working. She was having difficulty in accepting anything that I said and was getting worked up.
“No! You’re not giving me what I want!” she exclaimed shrilly.
There I had it. That was all that she was interested in. As long as I gave her what she wanted, then I was welcome in her world. Once again I saw clearly that she wasn’t interested in me, but only in what I could do for her. My body went ice cold and I knew that we had no future together. She was an user and I was tired of being used by women.
“Okay, I’ve got to go now. We’ll talk again when you’re in a better mood,” I said and ended the call before she could utter another sound.
I felt so used, so deflated and totally disappointed.
I knew it was over for good.
The following evening, after having taken a day to think it over, I sent Baltic Babe the following email:
“I derive no pleasure in writing this email…
Our last telephone conversation spelled out very clearly just how any kind of relationship with you would always gravitate toward and revolve around you and your problems.
I spent 20 years with 2 women who were like that…
I’m sorry, but I can’t see you any more in any capacity.
Goodbye and good luck.”
Lessons learned: 1) Just because someone is on a dating site it doesn’t mean they’re after the same thing as you. Try to discover their dating motive asap. 2) There are givers and takers in the world. Discern where the person opposite you falls in the spectrum. 3) “Chemistry” is rare and valuable.