At the fanciest Chinese restaurant in my town we had an elaborate meal. Baltic Babe didn’t like overly spicy foods, so I ordered a medley of dishes for her to try. It was apparent that she didn’t know much about Chinese food. My travels around China came in useful to explain to her what she was eating and how it was made. She loved information like that.
The conversation twisted and turned and my alter-ego, Stupid Boy, put in a surprise appearance. He made me tease and taunt her.
“You know, if we were to have a child, it would be a great one.”
She looked at me with a deadpan face, having stopped mid-chew. Stupid Boy and I were just getting started.
“Yes, I can see him now. He would have blonde hair and green eyes. Your eyes are yellow-green and mine are hazel, so his would be green. That makes sense don’t you think?”
She kept looking at me, but resumed chewing. I wasn’t done.
“He would be very athletic. I was a good sportsman in various sports when I was at school. You were an international athlete. I think it’s a given that he would be athletic, don’t you think so?”
She finished chewing and took a sip of wine. I was warmed up now.
“Yes, he would have our best traits. He would be very intelligent, speak several languages and get good grades at school. He would be very determined, but have a compassionate side to him. What do you think?”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” she replied calmly, nowhere near as ruffled as I thought she would be. Her reaction was almost non-existent. I expected indulging in baby-making talk would get her animated. It didn’t. Why not? Ah, because I said any child of ours would be a boy. Images from her playing with my friend’s daughter on my birthday three months previously came flooding back.
Baltic Babe wanted a daughter.
When we left the restaurant it was cold outside and I noticed her shiver. In attempt to share a little bit of body heat as we walked back to my car, I said, “Do you like chicken?” and offered her my arm. Until that moment physical contact between us was non-existent. She thought about it, remembered the line, smiled and then coupled her arm with mine.
However, I then noticed a look of confusion on her face. I too felt confused about what was happening between us and my sub-conscious worked quickly to come up with what I said next.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about something. I’ve never done this before, but I’d like to be friends with you. That way I get to have some laughs with you, but don’t have to put up with any of your shit like I would have to if we were a couple.”
“Interesting,” is all Baltic Babe said.
I drove her home and we chatted amiably all the way. Baltic Babe had bought a few things too so I helped carry them into her home. As I was about to go back to get the all-important rake, she offered me a coffee. I wasn’t expecting to be invited to stay for any length of time as it was now 8pm, so the offer surprised me. Of course I accepted and before I knew it we were sitting together on her sofa.
“I now have a favour to ask,” she began.
“Yes,” I said slowly, a sense of trepidation kicking in. Had she been working up to this all day?
“My laptop has been acting up. Can you have a look at it please?”
“Of course, but I can’t guarantee anything,” I said relieved that it wasn’t something I couldn’t do. Quite honestly, I was happy to have an excuse to spend more time with her.
I got to work on her laptop and while an anti-virus scan ran at the longest possible setting that I could find we sat and chatted.
You know how when you have two magnets in your hands, as you bring them closer to each other, you feel that wonderful, magical sensation of the two being drawn to each other? That’s how I was starting to feel inside me as I spent more time with her. I could feel a familiar pleasant, warm sensation at the back of my head.
“While that runs, I’m going to get changed,” she said as she got up and disappeared upstairs.
As I sat there I thought about leaving. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. I had spent far more time with her than I expected. I didn’t want to run the risk of having a blow-up of some kind that would spoil the day with a bad ending. I also didn’t want to end up in bed with her because that would have turned my world upside down.
But dammit!…how can someone so wrong for me feel so right?!
Before I could decide about how and when to make my exit, Baltic Babe came back having changed in to “something more comfortable”. She was wearing a pink sweatshirt, white socks with little pink hearts on them … and very see-through white tracksuit bottoms so thin that I could see her little white panties.
My torso turned to putty, my head to candy-floss. My arms became lead weights and my legs were made of cast iron. My heart started pumping faster. I couldn’t move if I tried.
Baltic Babe went around the lounge lighting little candles and then switched the overhead lights off. The room fell into near darkness, except for the slow-dancing candlelight. What the fuck was going on here?! All that was missing was the sound of Marvin Gaye’s ‘Let’s get it on’ playing softly in the background.
To be continued…