A friend at work asked me to review her profile on Sugardaddy.com. I was shocked that she was on a such a site because she was a church-going, wholesome, ladylike 33 year-old. I had heard of this site but had never been on it, so I agreed out of curiosity. I asked why she was on this site and her answer shocked me. “I want to be treated like a lady for once, even if just for a little while. All the guys I’ve dated have been poor-asses who expected me to pay half if we ever went anywhere other than a Nandos. I want to know what it’s like to go out with a guy who has money.”
I’m friends with her at work because we’re both on the dating scene and we swaps stories at lunchtimes about our experiences. She is a young woman with a very turbulent relationship history; I can’t recall a relationship of hers lasting more than a year. Despite her being a Bible-basher, I know that she had an affair with a married man at work. She is also highly-strung, demanding, stubborn, outspoken and sometimes a little bitchy. I can see why she’s single. I find her dating stories fascinating because I can see the guy’s side of the date given that I know what she’s like. If I went on a date with her I would come away thinking she’s a ‘hard-work drama-queen’ and wouldn’t want to see her again.
It took me minutes to find her profile on SugarDaddy and the photos looked nothing like her. They were older photos and she was heavily made-up. If I met her in real life once again it would be a jarring experience, like my dates of late.
From what I could make out, the way this site and the concept in general of a sugar-daddy operates is as follows. There is essentially three levels to the pyramid. The base level is for women who expect to be wined and dined on a regular basis, to be taken to stage shows and events in exchange for sleeping with a guy if they find him attractive enough. The middle, smaller layer is for women who expect to be taken away on trips abroad, to be lavished with gifts such as expensive perfume or jewellery and the occasional brown envelope stuffed with cash casually left behind. The top of the pyramid, the small pinnacle of this tower of whoredom, is the women who expect to be courtesans, old-fashioned mistresses, who are kept in a dwelling paid for by daddy, are provided with a car and a regular monthly cash allowance. Her holes are exclusively for his use, which is not the necessary the case with the cheaper sluts.
The vast majority of women on this site are base of the pyramid types and to my surprise, in the main, they are quite attractive women. Yes, there is a small minority who are tyre-biters, but the average woman is of above-average looks; their photos are at least. The two higher rungs are populated by generally the best looking, most stylish and sophisticated…and older women, 35 to 45 years old.
As I flick through page after page of search results, I start to recognize more and more faces. At least 10% of the women on this site are also on regular dating sites. Their profiles indicate when last they were on the site and about half the women had been online in the last week! Something I notice is that the vast majority of the faces that I recognise I have encountered on Plenty of Fish; I have even swapped emails with and wanted to go on dates with some of them!
I’m in a mild state of shock and I’m a little upset too. What kind of women am I surrounded by nowadays?! Or is this how women have always been and I’m blind to it?
I do a Google search for where else these pictures have been used. Unsurprisingly many of the unknown pics I choose to search for have been widely used on fashion or porn sites; so these profiles are catfish, i.e. people pretending to be someone they’re not, usually con-artists after money. Not too surprising for a site visited by rich men looking for a woman.
Some of the results lead to ‘fuckbuddy’ or ‘friends with benefits’ sites.
I kind of like the ‘fuckbuddy’ or ‘friends with benefits’ idea; it surprises me too because a year ago I would never have considered it, but my encounters with Tech Titan and Krazy Girl showed me that I can have sex with a woman without loving her. I’m realizing that it’s going to take me a long time to find Her, but I’m a man and I enjoy the feeling of a woman’s body against mine. I love falling asleep holding a woman in my arms. I love making a woman cum, hearing her sounds as she climaxes and each woman is different. Regular sex will be good for me in many ways, but especially in that it will take that sexual imperative out of meeting someone new on a date who might be The One. I don’t want to be wearing pussy-vision when I finally find Her.
Google tells me what other fuckbuddy websites are out there and I go exploring, wondering if I can find someone suitable to be my friend with benefits. I create a profile on one of these sites and within minutes I start getting messages from women. Real-time instant messages start appearing from women online who want to chat with me. Wow, that’s impressive, I think to myself. Hmm, too impressive. I become suspicious.
I go to a competitor site and just register a throwaway email address, but deliberately don’t complete a profile. Again within minutes emails from wanton lusty women flood my way. I go to a third site and repeat my ruse. Guess what? Yep, a torrent of messages, winks and obscene virtual sex toy gifts come may way, along with messages such as, “Well hello, good-looking,” and “You’ve just the look I like,” and “I bet you can go for hours.”
A blank profile gets all this attention? I make no contact with anybody on any of these sites. It’s all very suspicious, this online den of inequity.
I loiter on these sites, looking through their “members”. Something that strikes me is that the vast majority of women on such sites (if their profiles are real) are smokers. Less than half of the profiles had a photo of the woman’s face. Most had a prominent body part as their primary photo, usually saggy boobs, a tattoo or a rippled backside. Those that did show their face were, in the main, unattractive. Those are more likely to be genuine members. If I Google some of the photos I do like the look of, it occasionally returns where these images originally came from or are also used, usually a porn site.
Some small villages and hamlets a short drive from where I live seem to have every women there on a fuckbuddy site. It dawns on me that this is also an ideal channel for prostitutes to source new regular clients. The first sexual encounter with them is a freebie, then the demands start to flow and each time it becomes more expensive. (A friend of mine got involved with a woman like that and after her demands jumped from perfume to jewellery he stopped seeing her. A year later he gets a friend request on Facebook from her. Apparently her main profile picture is of her holding her new baby. He ignored the friend request.)
Many of the sites are just a different skin for the same old database; different banner and URL, but the same profiles. I find it interesting that these sites are pricier than conventional dating sites. Some charge as much as £40 (US$60) a month. For a man only interested in having a free whore – a fuckbuddy – it’s an option, so such sites might offer good value for money. I suppose if there are women giving their bodies away cheaper than a whore, then that’s their choice.
Other ‘adult dating sites’ I encounter make me shift in my seat. There are now websites that cater to married people looking for someone to have an affair with. Some of the members claim to be there with their partner’s consent, but I don’t think that that’s always the case. Another type is for ‘more mature’ women, a.k.a. cougars, looking for younger men ‘to share fun times with’. I even come across a SugarMommy site, women with money looking for boy-toys. The deeper I delve into these websites the murkier matters seem as it looks ideal for catfish, prostitutes and scammers. I wonder also if some of the profiles are ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands indulging in some revenge porn.
One of the sites that piqued my interest is something called ‘MissTravel’. Women say where they would like to travel to in exchange for being her sponsor’s sexual toy during the trip. Hey, we’re all consenting adults, so what the hell, right? I don’t work like that; I’m appalled by the premise of this site. A woman on this site has as the main feature on her profile a list of where she would like to travel to. The man is expected to foot all expenses for her trip. Prostitution with a twist really.
What strikes me is that the majority of women on the site are in their early twenties. One of the girls wrote, “I want to meet a billionaire” as her opening line. This site uses more stringent user verification so the vast majority of users are real and current. Of course you have to pay to correspond with members. If I were a rich man and not looking for love, this would be paradise.
The pictures that most women use are quite innocuous and no different than what they would post on Facebook. I can just see the scene as the photo gets taken and the camera gets lowered. The woman in the centre of the photo turns to her friends and says,”Now where was I? Oh yes. Mauritius was lovely and this guy only wanted to fuck in the mornings and I only had to blow him before he fell asleep. He wasn’t even into anal. It was the best trip yet, I hope the next ones are as easy.”
Once again I recognise faces on MissTravel, not as many as on SugarDaddy, but enough for me to have a queasy feeling in my stomach. One woman in particular shocks the hell out of me. I was supposed to meet her recently for a date, but the day beforehand she called in ill. She was genuinely ill as we had spoken on the phone before our abortive date and afterwards a few times too. I didn’t pursue her once I saw her on this site. She seemed and sounded quite normal; I would never have guessed that she could be like this.
My trust demon is sprinting around.
My faith in my ability to gauge the nature of a woman is wobbling.
My belief in women is plummeting.
LESSON LEARNED: I must get in the habit of doing a search on Google Images to see if a woman’s pictures appear on adult dating sites.
Even Hitler tried Adult Friend Finder. This is the result. (NOTE: Not Safe For Work)