Adult dating sites explored

A friend at work asked me to review her profile on Sugardaddy.com. I was shocked that she was on a such a site because she was a church-going, wholesome, ladylike 33 year-old. I had heard of this site but had never been on it, so I agreed out of curiosity. I asked why she was on this site and her answer shocked me. “I want to be treated like a lady for once, even if just for a little while. All the guys I’ve dated have been poor-asses who expected me to pay half if we ever went anywhere other than a Nandos. I want to know what it’s like to go out with a guy who has money.”

I’m friends with her at work because we’re both on the dating scene and we swaps stories at lunchtimes about our experiences. She is a young woman with a very turbulent relationship history; I can’t recall a relationship of hers lasting more than a year. Despite her being a Bible-basher, I know that she had an affair with a married man at work. She is also highly-strung, demanding, stubborn, outspoken and sometimes a little bitchy. I can see why she’s single. I find her dating stories fascinating because I can see the guy’s side of the date given that I know what she’s like. If I went on a date with her I would come away thinking she’s a ‘hard-work drama-queen’ and wouldn’t want to see her again.

It took me minutes to find her profile on SugarDaddy and the photos looked nothing like her. They were older photos and she was heavily made-up. If I met her in real life once again it would be a jarring experience, like my dates of late.

From what I could make out, the way this site and the concept in general of a sugar-daddy operates is as follows. There is essentially three levels to the pyramid. The base level is for women who expect to be wined and dined on a regular basis, to be taken to stage shows and events in exchange for sleeping with a guy if they find him attractive enough. The middle, smaller layer is for women who expect to be taken away on trips abroad, to be lavished with gifts such as expensive perfume or jewellery and the occasional brown envelope stuffed with cash casually left behind. The top of the pyramid, the small pinnacle of this tower of whoredom, is the women who expect to be courtesans, old-fashioned mistresses, who are kept in a dwelling paid for by daddy, are provided with a car and a regular monthly cash allowance. Her holes are exclusively for his use, which is not the necessary the case with the cheaper sluts.

The vast majority of women on this site are base of the pyramid types and to my surprise, in the main, they are quite attractive women. Yes, there is a small minority who are tyre-biters, but the average woman is of above-average looks; their photos are at least. The two higher rungs are populated by generally the best looking, most stylish and sophisticated…and older women, 35 to 45 years old.

As I flick through page after page of search results, I start to recognize more and more faces. At least 10% of the women on this site are also on regular dating sites. Their profiles indicate when last they were on the site and about half the women had been online in the last week! Something I notice is that the vast majority of the faces that I recognise I have encountered on Plenty of Fish; I have even swapped emails with and wanted to go on dates with some of them!

I’m in a mild state of shock and I’m a little upset too. What kind of women am I surrounded by nowadays?! Or is this how women have always been and I’m blind to it?

I do a Google search for where else these pictures have been used. Unsurprisingly many of the unknown pics I choose to search for have been widely used on fashion or porn sites; so these profiles are catfish, i.e. people pretending to be someone they’re not, usually con-artists after money. Not too surprising for a site visited by rich men looking for a woman.

Some of the results lead to ‘fuckbuddy’ or ‘friends with benefits’ sites.

I kind of like the ‘fuckbuddy’ or ‘friends with benefits’ idea; it surprises me too because a year ago I would never have considered it, but my encounters with Tech Titan and Krazy Girl showed me that I can have sex with a woman without loving her. I’m realizing that it’s going to take me a long time to find Her, but I’m a man and I enjoy the feeling of a woman’s body against mine. I love falling asleep holding a woman in my arms. I love making a woman cum, hearing her sounds as she climaxes and each woman is different. Regular sex will be good for me in many ways, but especially in that it will take that sexual imperative out of meeting someone new on a date who might be The One. I don’t want to be wearing pussy-vision when I finally find Her.

Google tells me what other fuckbuddy websites are out there and I go exploring, wondering if I can find someone suitable to be my friend with benefits. I create a profile on one of these sites and within minutes I start getting messages from women. Real-time instant messages start appearing from women online who want to chat with me. Wow, that’s impressive, I think to myself. Hmm, too impressive. I become suspicious.

I go to a competitor site and just register a throwaway email address, but deliberately don’t complete a profile. Again within minutes emails from wanton lusty women flood my way. I go to a third site and repeat my ruse. Guess what? Yep, a torrent of messages, winks and obscene virtual sex toy gifts come may way, along with messages such as, “Well hello, good-looking,” and “You’ve just the look I like,” and “I bet you can go for hours.”

A blank profile gets all this attention? I make no contact with anybody on any of these sites. It’s all very suspicious, this online den of inequity.

I loiter on these sites, looking through their “members”. Something that strikes me is that the vast majority of women on such sites (if their profiles are real) are smokers. Less than half of the profiles had a photo of the woman’s face. Most had a prominent body part as their primary photo, usually saggy boobs, a tattoo or a rippled backside. Those that did show their face were, in the main, unattractive. Those are more likely to be genuine members. If I Google some of the photos I do like the look of, it occasionally returns where these images originally came from or are also used, usually a porn site.

Some small villages and hamlets a short drive from where I live seem to have every women there on a fuckbuddy site. It dawns on me that this is also an ideal channel for prostitutes to source new regular clients. The first sexual encounter with them is a freebie, then the demands start to flow and each time it becomes more expensive. (A friend of mine got involved with a woman like that and after her demands jumped from perfume to jewellery he stopped seeing her. A year later he gets a friend request on Facebook from her. Apparently her main profile picture is of her holding her new baby. He ignored the friend request.)

Many of the sites are just a different skin for the same old database; different banner and URL, but the same profiles. I find it interesting that these sites are pricier than conventional dating sites. Some charge as much as £40 (US$60) a month. For a man only interested in having a free whore – a fuckbuddy – it’s an option, so such sites might offer good value for money. I suppose if there are women giving their bodies away cheaper than a whore, then that’s their choice.

Other ‘adult dating sites’ I encounter make me shift in my seat. There are now websites that cater to married people looking for someone to have an affair with. Some of the members claim to be there with their partner’s consent, but I don’t think that that’s always the case. Another type is for ‘more mature’ women, a.k.a. cougars, looking for younger men ‘to share fun times with’. I even come across a SugarMommy site, women with money looking for boy-toys. The deeper I delve into these websites the murkier matters seem as it looks ideal for catfish, prostitutes and scammers. I wonder also if some of the profiles are ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands indulging in some revenge porn.

One of the sites that piqued my interest is something called ‘MissTravel’. Women say where they would like to travel to in exchange for being her sponsor’s sexual toy during the trip. Hey, we’re all consenting adults, so what the hell, right? I don’t work like that; I’m appalled by the premise of this site. A woman on this site has as the main feature on her profile a list of where she would like to travel to. The man is expected to foot all expenses for her trip. Prostitution with a twist really.

What strikes me is that the majority of women on the site are in their early twenties. One of the girls wrote, “I want to meet a billionaire” as her opening line. This site uses more stringent user verification so the vast majority of users are real and current. Of course you have to pay to correspond with members. If I were a rich man and not looking for love, this would be paradise.

The pictures that most women use are quite innocuous and no different than what they would post on Facebook. I can just see the scene as the photo gets taken and the camera gets lowered. The woman in the centre of the photo turns to her friends and says,”Now where was I? Oh yes. Mauritius was lovely and this guy only wanted to fuck in the mornings and I only had to blow him before he fell asleep. He wasn’t even into anal. It was the best trip yet, I hope the next ones are as easy.”

Once again I recognise faces on MissTravel, not as many as on SugarDaddy, but enough for me to have a queasy feeling in my stomach. One woman in particular shocks the hell out of me. I was supposed to meet her recently for a date, but the day beforehand she called in ill. She was genuinely ill as we had spoken on the phone before our abortive date and afterwards a few times too. I didn’t pursue her once I saw her on this site. She seemed and sounded quite normal; I would never have guessed that she could be like this.

My trust demon is sprinting around.

My faith in my ability to gauge the nature of a woman is wobbling.

My belief in women is plummeting.

LESSON LEARNED: I must get in the habit of doing a search on Google Images to see if a woman’s pictures appear on adult dating sites.

Even Hitler tried Adult Friend Finder. This is the result. (NOTE: Not Safe For Work)

31 thoughts on “Adult dating sites explored”

  1. What you feel about women I do feel about men. This is why my deep concerns every time I get in an uncertain relationship with a nice guy : this is going to be my last chance! Because they are so rare. And here I am , having high Expectations. I have never used any website but I did have some fun using those apps. I can now tell you for sure I won’t do it again. Nice as one time experience but that’s it. I don’t think I am into “partner shoppping”. It’s just not me… I guess I will hve to trust fate and coincidence now. How can I be spontaneous with someone who was basically filtering me through choices? I Just cant grasp this concept anymore. No offense to anyone who does online dating.

    1. I don’t understand where your sense of urgency stems from; it’s off-putting to guys. Sorry, just being honest here.

      Dating apps nowadays are really just hook-up sites in disguise. I feel it’s where people who failed on regular dating sites end up. No love to be found there.

      I have to use dating sites because my limiting factor is that I don’t want to have children and 95% of women do.

      1. It’s an underlying pressure , quarter life crisis , whatever you want to call it. Might be off putting but ultimately I am still the one who’s making the decision to walk out so I am not here to please anyone really. And means I could have a relationship which wouldn’t fulfill me if I truly wanted to…..

        I don’t think there’s a difference between apps and sites. But apps are less time consuming and more shallow but at least they allow a bit of factor surprise.

        People forget what it is to actually feel around someone. Rather than a list of their characteristics. so I’d never really use a website. Personally.

  2. One of the main reasons ive kept out of OLD as of late. Too much nonsense and flakyness going on. No one works on anything anymore, its just look for the next best thing if what you have gets tough.

    My trust boundaries have been getting smaller by the day. Im becoming increasingly aware of the difference between what women say and what women do.

      1. ouch – that’s such a decrepit outlook – I say “ouch” because it seems so accurate according to what you have written here alone. This really saddens me. Still though, I’m not a woman who does what you keep experiencing so… whatever that says, it doesn’t agree or follow suit with the sad parts. I do have a question though – off topic and out of curiosity into how you think –
        Your statement:” I suppose if there are women giving their bodies away cheaper than a whore, then that’s their choice.”
        I just wonder how you use the term “whore”. Personally, the term whore is specific to the person describing a woman as such. What I’m wondering is IF you’re out looking for a buddy to have fun with, what’s the difference between these women and a man doing the same? I’m not using this as a slight to you or any woman. I’m genuinely curious because it’s a touchy subject of an age old double standard. I think it’s fascinating how we each use definitions.

        1. Jayne, you are absolutely correct in what you point out. My post today hints that at exact double standard. I was prepared to do the exact thing I am sneering at other for doing. Outrageous hypocrisy!

          All of this, dating today and the advent of these kind of websites was totally new (and shocking) to me.

          My outlook on the subject then is very different to what it is today. I would like to point out that this blog is recounting my evolution. Today’s post is how I saw things then, at that point in my journey.

          Before Ann asks, no, I am not going to tell you my outlook today. It won’t make sense in this context. Instead I will show you by way of future posts.

          It might amuse you to know that a female friend of mine got me a fridge magnet that has a guy not too dissimilar to me on it and the caption reads ‘Man Whore’. 🙂

          Thank you for taking the time to phrase your question as eloquently as you did.

          1. I think it’s especially interesting how men categorize women sexually. The desire for a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality seems to be popular but the only words for women comfortable with sexuality are negative. I can’t think of any positive word used in that way. I don’t think harsh judgement changes without definitions changing and that takes so long. I’m just thinking out loud. Thanks for listening and answering my question.

            1. I think that labels and definitions stem from an emotional (not rational) outlook. They reflect a perception.

              I agree with you that society’s attitude is malformed, but we are where we are…for now. Societal change takes time, like any education…just like my journey through dating is challenging my ideas.

  3. I have a visceral reaction to the sugar daddy type sites, and it’s not a good one.

    There are some real people on the fuck buddy sites, you just have to know how to find them. And for the record, I met two of the most amazing men on the naughty section of a dating site – they were there for the same reason I was – they wanted someone comfortable with their sexuality and who wasn’t looking to get married.

    But I agree it’s a disaster out there, generally speaking.

    1. It like a zombie apocalypse has happened and all these damaged beings are staggering into each other, phone in hand going, “you don’t look much like your photo…” 🙂

      1. You have had way more “don’t look like your photo” experiences than I have… Have you figured out why you haven’t been able to pick up on the signs of this before you are picking her up at the tube and asking her to take a wing?

        1. I’ve come to the conclusion that women on the free dating sites are, quite frankly, lying shits. It’s very competitive for them and they have to hide a negative and try to turn it into a positive. You’re going to love my tale of the Irish Cougar…

              1. How about this – the vast majority of women that you’ve engaged with on free dating sites are lying shits 😀

                Most of those immediate texts you referred to on the hookup sites? Likely pros or men.

                1. My male friends who are also dating are having similar experiences to me.

                  I agree that some of the instant messages where from whores, but I think on some of the sites that they are system generated.

                  It’s not only the adult dating sites that indulge in ruses. Do a search for what stunts even Match.com has been found guilty of in courts of law. Staff posing as members and going on dates?!

  4. Wow, so many sites to choose from! I met my husband on a online dating website, and many of my friends met their current spouses online around the same time..2003-2005 was busy time for online hook ups in my world apparently! Back then there were only a few sites that I knew of and a couple of the guys I dated were on all of them. That seems to be the case with these women you are writing about. I could never do the sugar daddy site or the travel one. I’m a 50% kind of girl, I don’t mind paying my half and being financially taken care of isn’t my thing. Although for some reason I do like the guy to pay for the first date.

    I had no clue about the various sites out there and B introduced me to a swingers website where he had a profile looking for a mistress. Some of the profiles really make you wish you had no vision. It’s terrifying.

    1. Back in 03-05, when the Dead Sea was still alive, pioneering users had an easier time of it. Now it’s gone mainstream and the masses are spoilt for choice, hence the lowering of standards of behaviour, etiquette and morals – everybody is now a replaceable commodity. Respect is rare.

  5. Interesting post…I had NO IDEA that there were so many different dating/hook up websites out there…I don’t think I want to dig around and look at them either. I think it would make me sad about the world we live in today. And I agree with Ann about how for some reason, it’s the woman you have been engaged with that are lying shits. I’m on the free sites and I’m real with recent pics and a honest description of me (I’ve also tried Match but just haven’t been happy with it)

    1. I think that the dating scene in London is brutal and people go to lengths to have an edge or avoid being discounted because of their age. My rule of thumb now is that whatever age a woman claims on her profile, that’s when those photos were taken. 🙂

  6. Not all are lying shits. Those that are make it harder for girls like me! I am very honest on my profiles. I am a curvier girl. I make it very clear that I have tits and ass lol. I would hate to go on a date and the guy be totally turned off my me bc I wasn’t honest about my looks.

  7. I really don’t know how women can do websites like SugarDaddy or MissTravel. Sure, I wanna be wined and dined. I wanna travel. But the thought of trading my body to get these things is something that would never cross my mind. I would think it would make you feel like shit, no?

    Or maybe, they’re living it up every day and have no time to feel empty and shitty?

    P.S. That video is amazing! So funny 🙂

    1. I think there a segment of womankind who think nothing of prostituting themselves. It gives some a sense of power over men that they can’t achieve in any other way. Some people have no conscience or self-respect.

      There is a host of funny vids like the one I posted that involve the same scene but with different subtitless. “Thong with schlong.” That one is my fave.

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