Bitch profile dissected

I came across a pretty face on PoF, read her words then laughed to myself. I was having a moment of deja moo: I’ve seen this bullshit before. First I’ll show you her words, then I’ll show them again with the subtext garnered from my years of experience. This might be shocking to some but these are the things I’ve learned after having conversed with hundreds of women, dated almost fifty and tried to have a relationship with a few.

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About Me

I am here beacuse my friend says it’s fun. We shall see. πŸ˜‰

I am looking for someone who doesn’t like to make drama.

I ride my blue bike wearing my Vans shoes and my Burberry trench coat on my way to work, I hate public transport!

I always say what I want in general but sometimes I think first.

If all you can talk about is sex or if your lookig for a booty call, don’t even bother to message. I will find you boring straight away.

I work for a luxury fashion retail. I love good food, movies and talking to intelligent ppl.

First Date
Out for a drink or dinner when we could have a proper conversation. πŸ™‚

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Seems sweet, fun and harmless, right? Not so. Here’s what two years of interacting with women like her has taught me what lurks beneath the surface of her hastily contrived online facade.

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About Me

I am here beacuse my friend says it’s fun. We shall see. πŸ˜‰
[Spelling error indicates her disdain for all this; can’t be bothered to check her writing. Doesn’t really want to be doing this; it’s half-hearted to appease a friend. The only way people get her to do anything is to nag her. Willing to deceive a friend. Judgemental – will swap endless emails with a guy and never go on a date with him. She will be picky and high maintenance.]

I am looking for someone who doesn’t like to make drama.
[Because she’ll provide it all, I assure you. Has a turbulent history with men. English might not be her first language.]

I ride my blue bike wearing my Vans shoes and my Burberry trench coat on my way to work, I hate public transport!
[Fashion-slave; abhors practicality, snob; likely to die in cycling accident on way to work because she’s always right.]

I always say what I want in general but sometimes I think first.
[Tactless, outspoken loudmouth who will embarrass anybody and everybody anywhere. Opinionated and headstrong. Major reasons for her being single.]

If all you can talk about is sex or if your lookig for a booty call, don’t even bother to message. I will find you boring straight away.
[She’s getting irritated by having to write this, it’s so beneath her, hence another spelling error. Eventually finds all men boring, another reason she’s single. Hasn’t had sex in a while, hence her bringing it up and being on this site. Probably needs a regular good shagging to calm her down.]

I work for a luxury fashion retail. I love good food, movies and talking to intelligent ppl.
[I’m demanding, hard work. My job defines who I am. Social status is important in my world, so you better have a good job. She doesn’t earn that much hence being on a free site. Will ultimately be disappointed by calibre of men on PoF and will speak badly of online dating because of it. Bad grammar and text speak confirm her not being English. If you’re good-looking, have money, can cook and are intelligent, I’ll spread my legs for you.]

First Date
Out for a drink or dinner when we could have a proper conversation. πŸ™‚
[You’re paying mister but only after countless silly emails spanning weeks but will dash off to meet a guy if he’s really good looking because she’s shallow. She loves getting stuck into a good debate, probably likes to argue as a form of foreplay. On the positive side, she’s clearly a sapiophile, so a brainy hunk will get her wet in a matter of minutes.]

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Her only email setting contact criteria is that the man has a photo; looks matter a lot to her. This setting also hints at her not really expecting a long-lasting relationship, just a fling. This superficial airhead has no redeeming value to men other than as a brief sex toy, which will quickly become predictable and boring because she knows what she likes and that’s all she’ll do. She probably won’t give oral but will gladly accept it.

She has eight photos to her profile; the typical woman has just four. The more photos a woman has the higher the opinion of herself and vice versa. Self-esteem has bubbled over into self-obsessed with this girl. Any kind of relationship will be all about her. She’s a classic Taker.

Two years ago I would have thought her a sweet-hearted neophyte gingerly feeling her way through the world. She’s probably a recent arrival in London looking to broaden her social circle. Her job and its trappings have wowed her and she’s revelling in the experience of luxury. She knows what she likes and won’t be easily swayed. She has a mind of her own and isn’t afraid of expressing herself.

Such a naΓ―ve outlook has been replaced by my current more educated view of a woman such as her. There was a time when I would have approached her, but I’m wiser now and give such women a wide berth. Depending on the website, a quarter to a half of profiles will be like hers. This is not indicative of womankind, but says more about dating sites because women like her linger longer.

She’s becoming a typical London girl, portraying herself to anyone who will listen that she’s a β€œstrong, independent woman.” There’s a special aisle in a supermarket designed just for her. It has wine, ready-meals and cat food, all located together for her convenience.

Undateable singleton aisle.
Undateable singleton aisle.

If I woke up next to this girl and she was sleeping on my arm, I would rather gnaw my arm off than wake her.

I find it interesting that the same world I have known for so long I am now seeing through different eyes. My education continues and I know it’s not complete.

Depeche Mode – World in My Eyes

20 thoughts on “Bitch profile dissected”

  1. Lol… made me laugh and think about my profile. I’m no expert but I think you probably hit the nail on the head. My profile consisted of one picture (I know what you think of that) and gave just a general feel of my face and body. It was somewhat out of focus. Didn’t want to be recognized by colleagues and clients but now realize anyone who knew me would’ve known it was me. True to form, my profile was wordy and I had to edit to fit it all in. I rather liked seeing myself on paper and I’m sure it all says something uncomplimentary and possibly true about me). I’m a stickler for typos in general, no matter where they are. Must admit, my current guy, whom I adore, would not have been able to write one to my liking. Can you share what your profile says?

    1. I like your honesty. Yes, I can share what my profiles says but I’m not going to. some clever clog will google my words and perhaps find an old profile on a forgotten dating site. Then they’ll have a picture of me and will Google that too, thus identifying me and opening a whole can of worms from which nothing good can come. So I’ll resist the urge… πŸ™‚

          1. I liked that. You have quite the personality. No idea what your profile would say but it should say “A gentleman, infinitely capable, smartass. If you want babies, do not apply.”

  2. What a scary thought – you reviewing dating profiles. They’re already frightening. I first thought you’d be great help at that…until I thought of what you’d tell me. : ) You should offer that OR write a book/site for women. You’re on the flip side of this other site I follow about a divorced guy. The reality is that I don’t think men who would prosper from his experience read and understand him like I don’t think the women who would benefit from your experience would follow your advice. (like this profile you write about) People are how they are until pain makes them change. (Is that too jaded?)

    1. Lovely touch of cynicism there, Jayne. πŸ™‚ Like you say, people only change when they are forced to. Nevertheless my offer stands to review or rewrite profiles. It’s my perverse idea of fun.

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