Tag Archives: profiles

Online dating profiles

I’m taking an hiatus from online dating until someone remarkable catches my eye. I’m reflecting on my two years on the dating scene. Two years of drama, craziness, varying degrees of sex, times of learning, episodes of amazement and downright determination.

I have some tips that I’d like to share with you. This is going to be the first of some of the lessons I’ve learned about modern dating. Today deals with dating profiles and the build-up to a date.

Online dating has a visual bias, there is no denying this. With just one look we can form an impression of someone, or worse, an attachment. We are likely to click on someone we like the look of because that is how we are attracted to someone in the real world too. It is no surprise then that people whose profiles have no photos included have a quieter dating life. That’s to say I’m talking about a conventional dating site and not esoteric sexual niche websites. If you are on a regular site and you never get messages, then you might get the impression that nobody likes you.

Nobody likes me.
Nobody likes me.

It might be that your profile isn’t working for you and it needs some attention and thought. A sense of rejection on a dating site should not discourage anyone or give them reason to embark on desperate measures to entice someone into their life.

Van for offine dating. Sweets optional.
Van for offine dating. Sweets optional.

Once you’ve spruced up your dating profile you’ll start to get attention and eventually somebody will seem worthwhile to meet for a date. You’re not attracted to everyone so don’t expect everyone to be attracted to you. Attraction isn’t a choice and you might be surprised by who finds you attractive. An open mind is key.

First date potential.
First date potential.

It is vital to project the correct image, so give some thought to the photos you’ll be using. Often your favourite photo might send out the wrong message if you’re not careful. Many people like to include their cherished pet in their photos in a hope to attract someone who has a liking for the same creature. Sometimes this can backfire.

A man's favourite pet.
A man’s favourite pet.

At the same time it is good practice to scrutinize the photos that someone has chosen to post on their profile. Look away from their face and see what the surroundings can tell you. You might spot a few warning signs. For example, they claim to be a non-smoker but all their photos show them holding a cigarette.

Check details in photos.
Check details in photos.

As a general rule I would advise against meeting someone if you don’t know what they look like. This applies to men and women. A look of surprise or disappointment on your face might not be the best start to the date.

Your next blind date?
Your next blind date?

Because of the nature of the internet being a relatively anonymous medium, there are people who abuse dating sites for their own ends. Occasionally you’ll encounter people who are not even the gender they claim and often they are after money.

Anybody can pretend to be somebody online.
Anybody can pretend to be somebody online.

If you’re a guy looking for a gal, with time you’ll learn that there is a code that women use in their dating profiles. Their narratives after a while start to have similar terms. With a bit of dating practise you’ll crack the code.

Women code for dating profiles.
Women code for dating profiles.

If you’re a lady then I must inform you that, sadly, not all men on dating sites are as they portray themselves to be. Men are likely to lie about their jobs, height and relationship status. This is not the norm, so don’t let a few bad apples spoil the cider.

Some men lie on their dating profiles.
Some men lie on their dating profiles.

I have noticed that there are far more attractive women then attractive men on dating sites. That can work in a chap’s favour, not because he might be handsome, but because he has the confidence that women appreciate.

Nobody is out of your league.
Nobody is out of your league.

I have it on good authority that modern online dating is also prone to some rather unusual behaviour. Sexting, the swapping of intimate photos, is becoming commonplace, so much so that some men consider it standard practice. Don’t let anyone intimidate you into doing this.

Sexting extortion
Sexting extortion

In the same vein there are women who are pretty explicit about what their needs and wants are. A camera-phone and mirror is often involved.

Lick it. Women can be explicit too.
Lick it. Women can be explicit too.

It’s a common and easy mistake to develop an online crush on someone before you’ve met them. Don’t spend too much time swapping messages and phone-calls because you might create a false impression of someone who is radically different in real life.

Not everyone on the dating scene is sane.
Not everyone on the dating scene is sane.

What matters most when going dating is having a clear idea of what you’re about and who you want to meet. Keeping that in mind should keep you out of trouble…unless trouble is what you’re looking for. 😉

Your self-perception is vital.
Your self-perception is vital.

Just please be careful not to fall for someone on the basis of just one look at their dating profile.

Happy dating!

The Grey Knight

Doris Troy – Just one look

Fresh Meat – I don’t know what I’m doing?!

I knew nothing about women. I knew almost nothing about dating and as little about writing a profile on dating sites. Spending my adult life with only two women had come with an unexpected price. The movie “The 40 year old Virgin” resonated with me. I was a man-child on the dating scene and painfully aware of it.

To get to understand women, I had to meet women. To get to meet women, I needed a dating site profile that women found irresistible.

I had no idea how my profile or emails compared to my competitors. I also wanted to know what women experience on dating sites. To find out, I set up a fake female profile on two dating sites.

I found a picture of a pretty girl on the internet and used that as my one and only profile photo. I wrote the most generic, boring profile that was borne out of all the real female profiles I had read in recent months. I went out of my way to make it as mundane as possible.

Within three hours I had 42 emails from guys. Within a day it was 108. I didn’t bother counting after that, but they tapered off and after two weeks it averaged just one a day. It was as if a sign went up somewhere that said “Fresh Meat!” and all the little piranhas came speeding along.

My curiosity got the better of me and I got adventurous enough to start swapping emails with some of the guys. I was courteous and engaging in my banter, generally letting them lead the conversation, all in an effort to see what guys do so that I don’t make the same mistakes.

After a few evenings of indulging in this experiment my findings were the following:

1) Most guys on dating sites are only looking for sex. They make it pathetically clear in their badly-written profiles and banal emails.
2) Most emails were one-liners or single words, such as “Hi”, “How you doing?”, “How’s your day been?” or my favourite, “Love your picture”. The sexually overt opening emails I found so distasteful that I have blotted them out from my memory. I did learn what a ‘cockshot’ was. Oh, there was one that stood out that I can’t forget: ” Just see ur ad u look fit im seriously bi n’id love to cum fuck ur sexy arse do u fancy picking me up so we can go to urs n’play n’play im 42 clean descreet n’horny for u darren ” (I bet Darren is still single.)
3) Almost every email with actual content, meaning a guy had taken the time to write something original, came across as the guy seeking approval. They all seemed weak and spineless.
4) If I got assertive and prescriptive on a guy’s ass via email, he would invariably back down, apologising as he grovelled. I would do this once I grew bored of his messages.
5) Hardly any made mention of actually meeting up. The vast majority seemed willing to let an email conversation go on forever.
6) Very few good-looking guys approached my fake profile. On a “looks scale” they were almost all 6s and below. I’m not an expert on good-looking men though.
7) There seemed to be two types of guys writing to me: bad boys out for sex and nice, wimpy guys who were more clueless than me.

I also used this fake profile ruse to read over other men’s profiles. Most guy’s profiles couldn’t catch a cold, let alone catch the attention of a woman with more than half a brain. I could see why these guys were single. What they lacked in writing ability they tried to make up for with photographs, which usually involved at least one shot of them without a top on, exposing usually an underwhelming physique.

I could write a book on what I know about dating profiles. Perhaps I should? What do you think?

I was surprised at the low quality of my competition, but I wasn’t disheartened in any way. On the contrary, I was motivated by all the drivel because it wouldn’t be too difficult for me to positively stand out. I did spare a thought for all the women on dating sites that have to endure this kind of borderline harassment. If I had my own dating site, it would be so much better than what’s out there.

Having learned what I could from having a fake female profile, I set to work crafting what I hoped would be an irresistible-to-women dating profile.

First, I uploaded a dozen photos of myself on to OKCupid’s photo review facility. Yes, I had to sit there for several hours reviewing and rating other people’s photo’s, but it was worth it. After two evenings of rating in exchange for being rated, the results I got surprised me. There was one photograph of me that I rated the worst of the batch, but women of all ages rated it the best. Photos that I thought would have rated highest were rated lowest. After a bit of thinking about it, I figured out why that was the case. Most guys don’t have a clue as to what women find visually attractive and I used to be one them.

Secondly, while I was waiting for my photos to be reviewed overnight, I went hunting for the best male profiles that I could find. It was their words and ideas that I wanted. The nuances and images that brushed aside disbelief and captured a woman’s imagination. I could, of course, not be exactly sure what those elements were. After some effort I had a few competitor’s words and ideas that seemed strong. I set about merging and fine-tuning it all in to two different profiles. I put these on different dating sites.

My plan called for seeing which of these profiles got the best response, not just in terms of number of responses, but also the desirability/suitability of the women writing to me. If one of these new profiles proved superior to the other, I would replace the weaker one with the better one. If the results were comparable after a few days, then I would tweak one a little to make it even better, monitoring the results again in coming days. I would repeat this process until I was satisfied that I had achieved my objective. Then, and only then, would I go on the offensive and sign up to dating sites left, right and centre, hoping to find Her.

I posted my first two fresh profiles with my best-rated photos, not knowing what to expect.

Somewhere a “Fresh Meat!” sign went up and emails from women started streaming in overnight…